The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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