so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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