I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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