I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
as a side note pls kill me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize