i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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