So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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