I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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