i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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