So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize