Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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