god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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