I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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