should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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