when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
soo... how was my night?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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