I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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