Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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