mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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