yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize