i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize