You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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