i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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