You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize