I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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