there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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