It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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