Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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