Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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