Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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