i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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