she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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