fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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