I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize