I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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