morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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