whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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