You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize