dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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