Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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