I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In other news, I just burned my penis
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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