so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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