Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize