Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had to cum in my sink.
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