he looks like a really good dad on facebook
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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