Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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