And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize