I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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