If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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