Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize