I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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