yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize